To the Person Who Held Me as I Cried
2.15.2019
I couldn’t feel my hands
They were as cold as the treatment
Wrapped around your legs
The one you promised
Would bring us closer together
By making your thighs farther apart
Inch by inch
I don’t know where you got that idea
It had the opposite effect
Made me question everything
Until all there was
Was doubt to question
Maybe that was the moment
The one where I wasn’t enough
Pouring myself into you
But you wanted to be so empty
Love cannot save something
That is not broken
But believes it is
She told me you would never leave me
I wanted her to shake me
Some earthquake to break free
The part of me that was
So stubbornly holding on
To the pieces of you
That were frozen away
Falling away like icicles
Chasing after the cracking lines of ice
Across some frozen lake
That shattered beneath me
It was like following
Lightning strikes
Trying to find a spark but
There were so many directions to run
I couldn’t find the right one
Some meaningless search
They all would have led eventually
To a place where the ice was too thin
I’d fall through
Believing that it must be for a reason
So I’d swim down
Until I ran out of breath
She held me as I drowned
Showed me kindness I did not recognize
Hadn’t seen it in years
I should have reminded her
She couldn’t save me, either