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 To the Contestants of the Great British Bake Off


  1. You make me cry fucking rainbows and butterflies. You wholesome motherfuckers.

  2. Every time I watch you make these masterpieces, I get hungry. I’ve been trying to lose weight, and you keep on being delicious, and then I binge eat everything in my house. My grocery bill was up three times this month. So thanks, for that, I think.

  3. It isn’t about if you won, and I hope you know that. I hope you celebrated being on the show even if you were the first one out or threw your Baked Alaska in a bin - looking at you, Iain - you were chosen for a reason. Someone saw something in you. And after countless hours of my time dedicated to crying over how beautiful you all are, you oughta know how damn inspiring you are to people. It took courage to apply, it took courage to walk into the tent, and it damn well takes courage to walk out and keep baking even if you’ve lost.

  4. If you have kept baking, I will travel for food.

  5. But it’d be nice if you just showed up at my place, DM me for deets, cool?

  6. I am so grateful for the stories you’ve shared with us. You let us into your hearts and homes, showed us how passionate you are, and you deserve more than the Paul handshake for that kind of vulnerability.

  7. Paul is a misogynist. Why the hell is he the only one who stayed on in the new seasons? Like I googled it, so I know why, but still, come on, Paul – really?

  8. Do all old British women love rum in their cakes? My sample size of Mary Berry and Pru seem to confirm this theory. Honestly, it may be why the all the rum is gone - but since when is a cake that gets you lit wrong?

  9. I’m proud of you for being able to pronounce half of the things you bake. And also being able to bake them, yeah, that too.

  10. If you’ve walked out of the show and come to know yourself better, you’ve already won. I’ve watched you grow both in your confidence and in your community. You are better people for having gone through the experience, and we are better people for watching you go through it. Know that you don’t have to be humble to be loved, no, you are loved because you followed your buttercream frosting dreams and inspired the rest of us.

  11. All of this could be said for any of you dreamers out there. The ones just barely paying the rent to get by. The ones following their passion, taking leaps of faith, bounds of courage. You’re incredible. You need to know that.

  12. How wholesome? Wholesome af.

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